Our House....

     Our house is old. It needs work. A lot of work. Its a decent house though. I have brought all of my boys home to this house. It's small but we pack a lot of love and memories into it. But it overwhelms me most days.

     At this time of year in 2011 we began doing all the little repairs that were required for us to sell and move into a bigger home. Or if we couldn't do bigger we definitely wanted a better layout that was more contusive to raising five, very active little boys in. Everything was moving along when fall came. The cooler temps brought everyone inside, thus making home repairs a little harder. So I figured we would wait until the following Spring to continue.

     I think you all know by now that Sterling died that December. I was doing everything in my power just to survive and care for my four little boys. Anything else was too much. The house was neglected. When the fog of grief started really lifting that second year, I became overwhelmed at all that needed to be done! We have tried to get things started again but its hard for me to do repairs with four boys running around. My income has dwindled. And finding reliable, responsible workers who won't take advantage has been a challenge.

     But we are up for the challenge! Something has to be done! So I am beginning to ask for advice, for help, for any way that will help fix this house back up to be something we can be proud of again! I am getting used to the idea that it will take time. That I may have to break it into smaller items and do only a few at a time.

     I look at it like a metaphor for my grief. When I look too far ahead I am overwhelmed at the idea of living a lifetime without Sterling in my arms. It becomes so overwhelming I shut down and pull back from living again. Then nothing gets done. No healing, no living, no projects of remembrance. But when I take it a day or two at a time I can see just how much we have accomplished in the last two years!

     So, I've begun making calls. Finding people willing to help. Learning how to do things myself. Including the boys so it can get done, and maybe we can make a memory or two along the way. Life is hard. It just is. But if I break things up into more manageable pieces, I can do it! And in another few years look back and wonder what I was so worried about......

     If you are so inclined, please say a little prayer, send us some positive energy, whatever you can...it's hard to be grieving the loss of such an amazing little boy while also raising four amazing little boys while trying to also work and heal and fix a house that needs quite the tlc.....I am not the person who typically asks for help and usually just does whatever is needed, I always figure out a way. But I am overwhelmed at this task at the moment and could use all the encouragement I can get....