Sterling's fourth birthday is coming up. There is a lot to do. I've decided to make the loveys a yearly thing on his birthday. Every baby born on his birthday will go home with a soft, giraffe on the fabric lovey. Attached to the lovey will be a little card with the possible signs of a congenital heart defect. Sterling loved his Sophie giraffe and he loved his soft lovey. So I combine the two for a sweet little tribute to Sterling while raising awareness.
The other tradition is letting off lanterns. The first year was wet and windy and only a few made it. last year was gorgeous and several made it and it was absolutely beautiful! This year I am inviting everyone to come out to the park and help us release as many as possible all at once. I can't wait and am hoping for good weather.
I have also created a little challenge to raise money to support Pediatric Congenital Heart Association. I made a little video montage showing what I do for heart health, I have lost 60 pounds since Sterling died and working out has been very beneficial in my healing. I am asking everyone to donate $4 to them and show me what you do for heart health. My goal is small, $400 by his birthday. If I make my goal then 100 people will have seen the video and know about Sterling and CHD's. Maybe they will tell their friends. And so on.
I still look at his pictures and videos and wonder how this is real. How is he not snuggled up next to me? How is he not a preschooler? How are we not planning his 4th birthday party by picking out his favorite character or animal or toy to go on his cake? How is it that all I have physically left of my son are baby things when he would be a little boy now?
People tell me I inspire them. That I have such an amazing story and what I am doing is important. I still cringe a little inside when I hear those things. I am a mom. A mom who loves her children. A mom that is living a life with one of the pieces of her heart missing from her arms. I think about him often throughout the day. And sometimes, the magnitude of his absence feels like it will crush me at any moment. Sometimes, the pain of that comes rolling down my cheeks.
I am a mom who wishes she could be planning a party WITH and FOR my 4 year old. Instead I am planning things to do to keep his memory alive and to help raise awareness and fight for more funding for more research so that other families may be given that chance. I am hopeful that Sterling will make a difference, I just wish he could've done it from my arms.
If you would like to help me make my goal please go to http://conqueringchd.org/ and donate $4, please put "Sterling's Birthday" in the memo line or where it says "note" I would love to know the goal was met. And please share his story. Thank you.
Always and Forever
Sterling is an amazing 13 month old who stopped breathing during his nap as a result of multiple congenital heart defects that had gone undiagnosed. Life as I knew it was over. The pain excrutiating. I often felt like I had died that day too. Slowly I began to see the gifts of Sterling. Follow me as my boys and I find new purpose in our lives. Watch as Sterling continues to do amazing things through each one of us. Always and Forever sweet boy.
