Monday, September 28, 2015

Grief: A Mother's Journey

     I don't compete with others. Yet I am always in competition with myself. Always. I am my hardest critic. I am always feeling like I could do better. Always. And one area that really gets me is my parenting. Our family has been through a lot. And one of my children is no longer on this Earth for me to guide and watch grow. Parenting him has been the toughest job I have ever had.

     I can no longer be worried about what he eats. How much he's sleeping. Where he's going to school and how well he's doing in school. No. I have to worry about wether people are forgetting him. What impact his short life will have on this world. What I should be doing to keep his memory alive and also what I should be doing in his name to help in the CHD community. Those worries keep me up some nights.

     While I am worrying about my dead child's legacy, I am also raising 4 young boys who are very much alive. Who make mistakes and need guidance. 4 boys who I do need to worry about what they are eating and how much sleep they are getting. Their schooling is also a huge source of worry for me. These boys of mine are alive and here to make their own place in this world. But they need my guidance.

      This is all so tiring for me. Missing my baby who would be turning 5 in a few weeks while raising his bubbas to be productive young men.  Its so not easy. But I plan to keep moving forward and doing the best I can to raise the bubbas to be good men while also keeping Sterling's memory alive and helping in any way I can to raise awareness for the CHD community.

     On Saturday October 3, 2015 I, along with two other grieving mothers, will have a photo showcase called Grief: A Mother's Journey.  It will be at Trickster Art Gallery 190 S Roselle Rd Schaumburg, IL 7pm. We really hope to see everyone there.