Learning

     My boys and I have been staying home this Christmas break. Not because we are sad. Its because the flu is going around really bad and this Mom can still barely handle illness without a little help from some anti-anxiety pills and lots of reassurance from friends, family and doctors that this child will be OK. This child is going to be just fine.

     So today the staying home thing got to be a little much and we decided to venture out to our YMCA. I am in desperate need of some alone time and a good workout. So off we go. We came upon a horrific scene. Someone laying, absolutely motionless in the road. There were several people around this person. They seemed scared and unsure of what they should be doing. Honestly its a look I remember all too well. That desperation for someone to please come and fix this. So I roll my window down and ask if they need me to call 911. Nope someone already did. I ask is the person breathing because I do know CPR. They tell me the ambulance is on their way. But is the person breathing?? I never got an answer as the police and ambulance came right then. I decided to go. I couldn't stand to see anymore.

      I was shaking when I realized the silence from the backseat. Absolute silence from three little boys who know exactly what a motionless body could mean. Then a little, shaky  voice "Mommy??....Is...Are...Did they die?"  I tell them I don't know but we should say a prayer. I hear the words come out of my mouth. If you have known me this last year then you know my questioning of prayer. I mean we prayed, others prayed for Sterling to wake up. We all know he never did. So I am not sure about this whole prayer thing.

     Driving back home I began thinking about why my boys who have already seen too much had to see this too. Why? And I realized that this tragedy isn't ours. While a bit traumatizing we won't have to live with any of the outcomes (and I am hopeful the person is just fine). And as for prayer, well, I always pray for others in these situations. My prayers sound a little different today though. I do ask that God please heal the person and give them back to their families but I also pray that the families have peace with whatever the outcome. I focus my prayers on those left picking up the pieces. To help them find comfort and peace and not feel so alone. I think with each experience I am finding more peace with the absolute randomness of life.  Which I am seeing more and more just isn't.