The year Sterling was born I hired a landscaper. I wanted our backyard to be something the boys and I could enjoy all summer. I had it sodded. A new swing set was put up. I have allergies so I decided it was worth the money to have them mow and do the clean ups. I was so looking forward to the following summer (last summer 2012) of watching my five boys run and play in our yard.
Last summer was hot and dry and the sod needed more tending then I could manage. Just going out in my backyard was a reminder of what I had dreamed of never becoming a reality. The landscapers would come and want to talk to me about what we could do to save the grass but I could barely listen. Our yard paid the price.
In the spring and summer and fall of 2011 they would come and Sterling would always be on my hip. Always. Seeing them now would make me think of him in my arms and how he wasn't anymore. Some days the guys would knock on my door to ask me a question and I wouldn't even be able to open the door to them. Too painful.
Today I called them. I spoke with them. They are at my house doing a Spring cleanup and I actually spoke with them. Today I am excited about what my yard and home can look like again. I am hopeful for many summer days spent grilling and playing with my boys. It still stings to know that Sterling isn't here to run and play and enjoy it with us physically. But I know as long as his bubbas and I are breathing Sterling is here.
Always and forever.......
Sterling is an amazing 13 month old who stopped breathing during his nap as a result of multiple congenital heart defects that had gone undiagnosed. Life as I knew it was over. The pain excrutiating. I often felt like I had died that day too. Slowly I began to see the gifts of Sterling. Follow me as my boys and I find new purpose in our lives. Watch as Sterling continues to do amazing things through each one of us. Always and Forever sweet boy.
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