grief

     The thing about grief is that it can be sneaky. Grief can let you have a good day, a good week, I have even heard as time goes on grief will give you a good few weeks in a row. Then without warning it slams into you. It stops you in your tracks and it makes you feel the pain again. I described my grief early on as the waves in an ocean, some gentle and some knocking me down and threatening to pull me under.

     The problem with being so busy this week is that I didn't have much down time to feel all the things I needed to. I realized I didn't even acknowledge that October 15th was when, two years ago, that I met Sterling for the first time. The 16th was when I brought him home. I was so busy caring for my mom (with her surgery), caring for my boys, running my daycare, getting everyone else cared for that I neglected me. I so neglected me that it was a few days before I realized I had not eaten. Grief is sneaky like that. 

     So I will say that another little gift of this journey is that I have really begun to understand the importance of caring for myself. I have always been the one that takes care of others, so I am working on it. Tonight I put my boys to bed and jumped on the computer. I tried to start this post a million times. I wondered if I should even write of my rough week?  Then, and I have no idea why,  I went over to Jen Lilley's YouTube page and watched her clips of when she was on Disaster Date. I laughed so hard I woke my 4 year old up.  With some tension released I came back and finished this post.

     Lesson for the day? It doesn't have to be much, even just a few minutes laughing can help,  but I really need to take time for myself each day. I need to slow down. I need to watch things that make me laugh, I need to really take the time to remember those special Sterling dates, I need to be able to just take a minute and breathe each day. I feel so much better when I do.